Six things anyone who has had a bike enforced break will have suffered on their return.

We all hate not riding. It’s the worst. It’s torturous not being able to slide around and scare yourself silly. Whether it is injury induced, or just the business of life causing an enforced break from bikes (as this writer understands all too well) it just plain sucks.

>>> Do you remember your first mountain bike ride?

As equally torturous, though, is riding your bike with someone who has just returned from the aforementioned biking break. Whether that’s complaining, faffing or crashing here are seven things that always happen on that first ride back.

1. Bloomin’ new standards

This is probably the most frustrating thing the second comers do. Sure, it’s hard that their 2011, 26-inch wheeled bike is no long relevant, or that everyone seems to have a million gears on the back, but these new standards have just made things better, faster or downright more fun.

Don’t even get them started on Boost.

2. Falling off. A lot

Mountain biking punishes anyone who has been out for a while. Your technique is rusty and your balance isn’t as good, but the main problem is that you still think you can ride a fast as before.

Inevitably this leads to crashes, but isn’t feeling on the edge half the reason we do this sport anyway?

3. Excuses, excuses

This is the natural extension of crashing, but is also present when a feature is too scary. Of course, it’s not the fact they haven’t ridden for ages (which would be perfectly reasonable) but it was definitely their low speed rebound, or those leaves, or your braking threw them off.

4. Faff

So much faff. Because there’s no way they could have sorted the psi and rebound in their forks the night before.

Or cleaned and packed their CamelBak, sorted their shoes, lubed their chain, pumped up their tyres tightened stem bolts, straightened bars and sorted brakes.

Watch: Hottest trail forks unboxing

5. Complain about the new trails

Same as with the new standards, these new “enduro”trails aren’t have as good as those old trails. They were the best. Perfect for that 100mm XC machine that was cutting edge in the noughties.

Also, jumps have been put in every trail – why?

6. Wild jubilation tinged with regret

When a rider returns to riding after an extended break, it tends to be accompanied by whoops and cheers. We can’t fault that, because mountain biking is ace and we’re all guilty of a bit of hollering every now and then.

But alongside celebration is also regret, regret to have ever stopped in the first place, because that’s the worst decision you can make.

So, there you have it. Seven things all riders do when they ride again after a long time out. Did we miss any out? Leave a comment.